VICTORY! Do this, get that, and be HAPPY…


money cant buy“Money can’t buy happiness.” We’ve heard it before, and at this dawn of “mindfulness” era (yes, the world and our perspectives are changing), people are less and less inclined to argue this statement.

It remains, nonetheless, that we would like to believe that there are certain things that make us happy. Is it a fallacy to think so, or is it more commonly our figures of speech leading us to confusion about our true state of happiness?

Happy PharrelHello everyone, and welcome to my blog. My name is Xavier Van de Lanotte, strategy consultant, writer and speaker. My interest resides in “strategy” and “success and happiness”, which isn’t coincidental.

From my perspective, both subjects spawn from a same logical approach, which is about making sense out of what we, humans, do, whether it is to sustain our existence through our professions, or to manage other aspects of our lives. If a corporation creates customer value to rationalize its existence, then we, individually, rationalize our lives through our purpose. My focus is to help optimize the processes that lead to the achievement of the best possible outcomes for both, people and companies.

PurposeToday I’d like to examine what the “act” of “being happy” may, or may not entail, as it doesn’t always add up to what we believe it is, or, at least, the way we talk about it. Why should this matter to us? It matters if we care to have a greater awareness about ourselves and our environment and put what we do with our lives into proper perspective; i.e.: to have a deep understanding of our purpose and our process.

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Yard workPeople say the darnedest things sometimes. What they say may sound great or quaint and innocuous, sometimes even uplifting. Yet at a deeper level, does it make sense?

I’m retired, Xavier. I take care of my home and garden, and I visit with my grandchildren, and that makes me happy,” my always-jovial neighbor told me, recently.

At the end of a day at the office, I’m happy to get home and pour a glass of wine for me and my husband, and I cook a meal we enjoy at the table with our kids ,” I overheard a woman say at a cocktail party, two weeks ago.

MarriageGetting married! Soooo Happy…♥♥♥☺” a friend posted on Facebook, just this weekend, to share the news about her engagement.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids are my source of happiness…, I’d do anything for them. But this is my ‘me’ time I get to enjoy three times a week,” a member at my gym told me last month.

Man, I’m so happy! I’ve finally fixed up my boat and I’m taking it out to go fish on the bay with some friends, this weekend. You should come sometime,” an acquaintance told me, earlier this summer.

Money can't buy happinessMoney can’t buy happiness… but it helps,” is more often what we really hear people say.

All of these quotes sound marvelously exciting. They bring us joy. They help us get through the day. They illustrate all the wonderful things for which we are grateful. They testify to the fact that life offers more than the daily grind at the workplace and the headaches we put up with, day after day, year after year. And they remind us that we have others in our lives to love, to connect with, and to share things with, the good and the bad. It’s great! We could have been much worse off…

Fishing boatSadly enough, they are also indicative that something may be missing. There isn’t enough money (ever—LOL). We can’t spend all of our time with the grandchildren or the children—they have lives too. How much time of our year are we actually fishing in the bay with our friends, floating on our prized possession? Will the change in marital status really fill our lives with bliss? And aren’t we a bit too old to have moved into a fixer-upper, if our homes and gardens take up this much of our time in retirement?

At some point, we could admit that these wonderful things in our lives provide necessary breaks in the lives we live the rest of the time. And when we consider it this way, can we still say that we are truly happy? Can we be happy just part of the time; certain times of the day, certain periods of the year, or from the time we get engaged until sometime after our honeymoon is but a distant memory? Can our happiness really be contingent on our affections for other people, key events or achievements, or our possessions?

Pursuit of happinessI came across a thought-provoking post from a friend and coach this weekend that reads: “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.”

Well, if we removed all those wonderful actions or possessions from our lives, would we still be happy?

Why can’t we be happy without those things?

We should be Happy all of the Time, with or without those Things.

In a survey, the following question was asked: Which one of these brings you the most happiness?

  1. Helping others
  2. Following your dreams
  3. Making the world a better place
  4. Caring for loved ones

The answers to choose from are suggestive of the nature of the things we believe are embedded in our purpose. Each entails wonderful things to embrace, but none are sources of happiness, per se. However, the pursuit of our purpose can in fact be a source of happiness.

Actions, people or things cannot be sources of happiness, nor can their absence be sources of unhappiness. Happiness resides in our satisfaction with what we do with our lives; the fulfillment of a purpose, elaborate, humble, noble or commonplace it may be. If we do what is required to achieve that level of satisfaction, in effect, we choose to embrace our happiness.

Grand kidsWhile it is conceivable that owning a boat, fishing, raising kids and grandkids, getting married or caring for our homes is the single most important thing in our lives right now, it is unlikely that our purpose and principal reason for our entire existence can be reduced to that and that alone.

The concept—and feeling—of Happiness is profoundly rooted within our capacity to love and our ability to be at peace. But love and peace do not procure happiness; they are necessary ingredients of it. Only with the added fulfillment of our purpose can we embrace true happiness, through the knowledge that what we spend our time doing effectively satisfies the achievement of what we are supposed to do with our lives.

In reply to the survey question above, the answer choices are indivisible, from my perspective. No matter how I cut it, what I do in the fulfillment of my purpose, transpires in my achievement of all four objectives.

Four objectives

We can all think of our purpose in such fashion, as all things done, rooted in love and with the aspiration to be at peace, will result in the betterment of the world, will be of use and service to others, and will support our desire to care for our loved ones, materially, emotionally and spiritually.

To choose only one reply to the question of happiness, I must say: “2. Follow your Dream—Final answer.”

Follow your dreams

Thank you for sharing your answer to the survey question and providing your perspective about what makes you happy in a comment, below. Different suggestions will help others develop their view points. Also, please, think of this blog as my advertisement of what I do (my purpose) and let me know whether my marketing efforts (this being my Vth entry) are of value to you. How can I improve my posts to be of greater value and use to you, and inspire you to add “A Dash of Greatness” to your lives?

I wish you and yours much Success and Happiness, ahead. For more ideas and strategies on awareness, our potential, our success and happiness, please consult Our X Factor, available everywhere in paperback and e-format and at http://www.ourxfactor.com/.

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Xavier Van de Lanotte, Author

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We all have an X factor…

 

Bookmark every day with Success and Happiness.

About Our X Factor

Our X Factor features a unique three-pronged approach to achieve success and happiness every day—Awareness, Making it Happen, Making it Count.

It is rich with quotations, references, stories, examples and anecdotes that highlight throughout the book the behavioral, psychological and philosophical aspects of our quest for success and happiness.

An X factor is the quality that bestows unique characteristics leading to the achievement of extraordinary successes and spectacular accomplishments, among other amazing things.

Yet we all have an X factor, without exceptions! Our X Factor guides us through an exciting, informative and enlightening journey, and shows us how to be GREAT!

We were all born ordinary people. Yet we can lead extraordinary lives!

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“Non-Stop”… Life is


nonstop digitalOur lives are “non-stop flights” of which we determine the plans and are the captains.

Once we determine what is important to us, do we board the right planes and read from the right procedure manuals to ensure we get to the destiny of our choosing?

Watching the latest Liam Neeson movie, Non-Stop, granted me the opportunity to reflect on the concepts of essence and trust with respect to choosing our path in life.

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Attention GrabberIt happened again…., I was writing a blog entry when all of a sudden something else caught my attention and inspired me. I am very familiar with the topics I prepared for this blog. But when a new idea comes along, I start to work on it right away, such that it doesn’t evaporate into thin air. Besides, the focus of my book Our X Factor is on positive constructive principles. So, when I identify noteworthy situations told from a different perspective, I enjoy exploring them outside the framework of my work, such as in this blog.

Liam CalmLast night, I rented the latest movie with Liam Neeson, Non-Stop. However, I worked late; then, barely ten minutes after I popped the CD into the DVD player, I drifted off. I wasn’t expecting much because, although I’m a Neeson fan, his last few movies have been anticlimactic for me.

Wake upThis morning I got up early as I had some work to finish up and wanted to go ride my bicycle with a group leaving at 7:30AM . I decided to play the movie in the background, but as the action began and the plot thickened, I was drawn into it. I decided to watch the whole thing and went biking later, on my own.

NonstopIt was a winner, non-stop! Here’s the story of a guy that has everything pointed against him, yet he doesn’t let it faze him and perseveres in what he must do against all odds, and against 150 angry and frightened passengers. The plot of this situation became thought-provoking…

Yes, the New York-to-London flight, which I took on numerous occasions and was the setting for this movie, was a non-stop flight. Yes, once they were in the air and the suspense caught on, the unraveling of the plot was non-stop and so were the action and the rebounds in the storyline. Yes, as people began rallying against him, there were non-stop-attempts in trying to foil the man’s plan to save the plane and its passengers, and it got darn ugly—Non-Stop!

Liam DullBut the character impersonated by Liam , Bill Marks, an air-marshal, had quite a history to reveal and baggage he lugged around (and I’m not talking about his carry-on, his side arm, or the bottle of whiskey he smuggled on board the airplane). A bitter divorced, fired, alcoholic man and seemingly washed-up and unreliable guy, Bill Marks had also a heart-breaking story to tell about how he cowered at work while his five-year-old daughter was dying of leukemia at home, ten years prior to the telling of the events in the movie. (I admit, as a father, I choked back some tears at Bill’s gripping revelation of his agonizing fate.)

nonstop banner

During the movie, it occurred to me that people tend to be cynical and suspicious. We put more credence in stories that discredit others, than in stories about why they deserve to earn our trust.

trustWhy is that? Simply, it is easier for us NOT to take a risk on someone, than to live with the consequences of our fears coming true. As a society, we are mostly unforgiving and distrusting. We want there to be records about people and companies’ performance tracks we can rely on … and we seldom give others a second chance. How they look, what is said about them, where they live, who they hang out with and even the gossip about them is enough for us to raise our antennae. Our trust is hard to earn in part because we feel it would reflect negatively on us if we misguidedly grant it to someone seemingly not trustworthy and, if things turn out wrong, we would beat ourselves up for having “trusted” someone else—shifting blame; we do it, no matter how much we despise it.

better safe“It’s better to be safe than to be sorry,” can be construed as an attitude that masks our lack of taking accountability for our decisions. This approach, in fact, holds us back from exploring new opportunities and venturing away from the well-worn path. But face it; most of the wonderful and rewarding things that we will ever accomplish in our lives depend on the help and support of others. Hence, because we are reluctant to trust others about the fulfillment of our goals, we choose to forego many of the opportunities that come our way, and then are left with only regrets…., but we’re safe alright.

150 soulsYet in the movie, Bill Marks was the only possible salvation for those 150 passengers’ souls. As spectators, we saw this, but the passengers couldn’t. They were blinded by their fears and hid behind their inherent response not to trust—framing Bill for hijacking the plane helped foster their belief, granted. Yet had it not been for Bill’s resilience, they would all be dead because they chose to play it safe.

Later, as I left for my bike ride, a more profound thought dawned on me. Life is really non-stop

24-7We may compartmentalize our schedules all we want and believe that we complete certain things, or that some aspects of our lives and business are behind us; our lives and all that relates to them keep going 24/7 until it’s over, and we have reached the end. Our hearts tick and our lungs draw air, even if we are unaware of it most of the time. Our minds work all the time, even when we sleep. Our relationships run their course uninterrupted, even when we are not in the presence of others. The stock prices are constantly moving, whether or not we watch the ticker-tape. It’s five o’clock somewhere, but it’s also the other 23 times-of-day elsewhere. Time, as we have come to conveniently track it, is merely an illusion as life is a continuum, with successive sequences of before-and-after.

Above the stormNow let me tie this back to the main story and the more profound message in this post. Our lives continuously entail the things we undergo and many relationships on which depend the realizations of our goals. By the sheer unpredictable nature of things, we should expect turmoil every once in a while. Yet when we take stock in our lives and proactively pursue our goals, this equates to boarding a non-stop flight. In this analogy, the more we focus on our goals and important things we strive to achieve in life and the greater our ambitions, the bigger the plane we build for ourselves. As the plane—of which we become pilot—becomes bigger, it gains greater momentum, longer range, and more cargo hold.

Liam ActiveFrom that perspective, Bill Marks commands a very large non-stop plane (even though he doesn’t like flying—LOL). He built himself a large plane through his persistent and unwavering pursuit of goals, despite needing to put up with much, being let down often, and being challenged many times in his life. This reflects the quality of the grounded person Liam portrays as the lead character of this movie. When it came to stepping up to the plate, Bill would simply not let anything stand in the way of what needed to be done. The headwinds that he faced over the course of his life helped him build his resistance and his resolve. The distractions during his mission (the non-stop flight in the movie) could not knock him off course, or derail his determination about what he felt compelled to do.

If we want to be the heroes in the stories of our lives, it behooves us to build bigger planes on our non-stop flight-of-life. We must engage all the resources that are required and focus on what we need to do and do best. Judging other people or distrusting them isn’t really part of our vocation or our charter and leads us continuously on a flight of doubt, one where we don’t focus on expanding the momentum, range and cargo hold of our planes.

Large planeA big plane is hard to veer off course. When we make mistakes about trusting the wrong people, we experience some turbulence, but it won’t burn us to the ground. Only small planes are prone to storms or changes in atmospheric pressure and easily drop out of the sky. Small planeInstead of steering our lives at low altitudes through misty clouds on bumpy flight paths, we can focus on our goals, our ambition and our essence and build a larger plane to soar high above the clouds, reach much further destinations with greater comfort and fill our spacious cargo hold with a lifetime of achievements collected along the way.

Dare to dreamWhen it comes to trusting, we shouldn’t use lack of trust as an excuse to curtail our ambitions. We will get burned from time to time, for sure. But it won’t take us off-course as long as we trust our dreams, persist on our path and have faith in our goals. Our essence and determination establish the limits for each in building an adequate vessel to carry us to our destinations. To fare safely and carry with us the many precious things we collect along the way, it is entirely up to us to determine its size, its range and its flight plan.

Thank you for reading and for posting your personal comments on this topic, below.

Xavier Van de Lanotte

Xavier Van de Lanotte, Author of Our X Factor

Wishing you and yours much Success and Happiness ahead. For more ideas and strategies on awareness, our potential, our success and happiness, please consult Our X Factor, available everywhere and at http://www.ourxfactor.com/.

Our X Factor Banner

We all have an X factor…

 

Bookmark every day with Success and Happiness.

About Our X Factor

Our X Factor features a unique three-pronged approach to achieve success and happiness every day—Awareness, Making it Happen, Making it count. It is rich with quotations, references, stories, examples and anecdotes that highlight throughout the book the behavioral, psychological and philosophical aspects of our quest for success and happiness.

An X factor is the quality that bestows unique characteristics leading to the achievement of extraordinary successes and spectacular accomplishments, among other amazing things. Yet we all have an X factor, without exceptions. Our X Factor shows us how to be GREAT!

We are all different and also the same; born ordinary people. Yet we don’t have to live ordinary lives. Let’s lead extraordinary lives! My aim is to guide you along this exciting journey and, every so often with this blog, inspire you to add ‘A Dash of Greatness’ to your lives.

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